Letting Go of Unrealistic Expectations

Have you ever felt disappointment or resentment when an activity didn’t turn out how you expected? Have you felt frustrated over an expectation?

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Mentioned on Ep 106: Letting go of unrealistic expectations. Have you ever felt disappointment or resentment when an activity didn’t turn out how you expected? Have you felt frustrated over an expectation?

Welcome back to The Burnout Doctor Podcast, I’m your host Dr. Jessica Louie. We are talking about letting go of unrealistic expectations today. Thank you for your feedback on our January series talking about simplifying and what to do when you feel like quitting or having difficulties. Many of you are taking action by using our complimentary Burnout Starter Kit – don’t forget to download yours today! We all write our own stories in our lives and homes. Let’s all bring joy into home and joy into work.

Today’s topic came to me while answering questions on a recent keynote speaking event. I’ve been speaking virtually a lot lately and have 7 events coming up this month! It seems timely to answer this question on the podcast today!

Let’s start with…what is an expectation?

By definition, an expectation is a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future. The key word is belief here.

I like how it is also defined by others – expectations are a product of our imaginations. I’ve also heard it stated in terms of magical thinking. We believe something is going to happen one way and then we find out that it doesn’t always turn out the way we wanted it to.

Why is there a negative aspect of expectations?

It comes down to our beliefs.

Just like we’ve talked about mental clutter and positive mindset on this podcast and through my signature Burnout Doctor Method, simply expecting something to happen will not make it happen. Simply wishing for something to happen will not make it happen. That is why wishing for a goal is not realistic.

This can lead to disappointment or even resentment.

What is an example of an unrealistic expectation or situation?

Let me tell you I’ve had a LOT of experience personally with this and have seen a lot of my clients struggle with this. Let’s take a few examples:

• All or nothing attitude towards a task just as simplifying
  • This is unrealistic expectations because life isn’t all or nothing. Clutter is also all or nothing. It didn’t come into our lives overnight and it will not leave overnight.  
• Wake up today and not feel stressed or burned out so I quit my job.
  • I get asked this all the time…isn’t the solution to burnout quitting your job?
  • NO IT IS NOT!
  • This is an unrealistic expectation to have
  • Quitting your job is not going to stop burnout because this is an unrealistic expectation that a band-aid fix like this will treat an underlying cause or problem.
  • It’s similar to medicine, we may acutely treat you to stabilize you (like massive internal bleeding) but unless we find the root cause – the source of this massive bleeding – you are still going to hemorrhage to death.
• Imaging a perfect weekend together with partner and then car breaks down or someone gets food poisoning or sick
  • Have you ever imagined the perfect weekend with your family? Enjoying quality time together after driving to the mountains or getting a picnic basket ready and then something happens?
  • We imagine it like the movies – everyone laughing and having fun together.

How to let go of unrealistic expectations?

Set achievable and realistic goals and objectives.

Instead of saying I’m going to KonMari entire house, say you schedule 3 hours and when timer is up, you are done for the day. Or cleaning the entire home, schedule it and set a timer.

Instead of saying I’m going to quit my job, I’m going to write down what I enjoy about my work and what I dislike. You may be surprised to find some aspects you enjoy doing. Then you’ll write down what your core values are and the company core values. Do they align? Then make an intentional decision about the position, a potential exit plan, and how to set boundaries in your life.

Instead of thinking a perfect weekend is going to happen like the movies, think about what is one thing you can control for the weekend. Is it putting your phone away, sitting on the floor playing, cooking a meal together?  

Let go of expectations of others

Figure out the reason you are feeling this way towards others. Be honest and true to yourself.

What is the ideal situation? What is the worst possible situation (what-if protocol).

Communicate and speak truth.

How to let go of unrealistic expectations:

Acknowledge – disappointment. Don’t try to blame someone else or something else.

Shift to a positive mindset – don’t let negative thoughts and feelings flood you

Take action to make what you want happen. Others are not mind readers. And you do not control how others react in this situation.

Let go and move on. you do not need anyone to validate your decision or your words

Tl;dr: what are expectations, how unrealistic expectations affect us and how to let go of unrealistic expectations today.

Have you been on the fence about pharmacist burnout coaching lately? Work with Me!

Until next time, spark joy my friends!

Note, my views are my own and are not associated or representative of my employer(s).
This podcast is for educational purposes only and not medical advice.