I got married one year ago in January 2021. I did NOT have a wedding. Find out 6 reasons why and stay until the end where I share the #1 reason why I opted NOT to have a wedding.
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Hi, I’m Jessica and I love talking about financial freedom after experiencing burnout early in my pharmacist career. We talk passive income and simplifying on this channel to combat stress and burnout. If you haven’t seen my burnout story or our debt-free journey while in residency/fellowship, please click those video links below.
If you’ve followed me for a while, you know that my husband and I met in 2013 and we dated long-distance for a couple years, lived together in Los Angeles and didn’t get engaged until February 2020.
We got married in January 2021 in a civil ceremony with just the TWO of us and NO LIVE stream of the ceremony. We told only our immediate family about the ceremony and we told loved ones and friends a couple weeks later in a postcard.
Before we get started with 6 reasons I personally did NOT have a wedding, I want to remind you this was a personal decision. I am not attacking others who had a wedding or plan to have a wedding. Our lives are personal. Remember to write our your own story in life.
WHY I DIDN’T HAVE A WEDDING:
Number 1 I did NOT have a wedding:
Now, I know many little girls grow up dreaming and planning for their big wedding celebration. They play dress up and pretend to walk down the aisle. This was NEVER my dream as a little girl. My mom set an example when she married my dad in a civil ceremony (back then a judge came to your home). My mom was given the choice to either have a WEDDING, a HOUSE or a CAR. She chose a HOUSE! Growing up, my mom talked about this decision and shared photos of it. Ultimately, this helped put my parents on a stable financial path where my dad retired in his early 50s, my mom stayed home or had her own small businesses.
Number 2 I did NOT have a wedding:
The average cost of a wedding in the United States is $20,000 – $30,000 or $300 per guest. I’ve had friends who have spent double this on their weddings. Even a small wedding for family can get pricey. I’ve had family and friends who have spent $15,000 to $20,000 for less than 20 guests at a wedding. The average cost of a bridesmaid or groomsman is $1,500 to $2,000 for the outfit, parties, travel and gifts.
If you’re thinking, why didn’t your parents pay for a wedding? Let’s take a step back. Why would parents be responsible for this in the year 2021? Being high-income earners and in our 30s, we would not allow our parents to pay for a wedding. My parents also would not encourage one since other financial goals take higher priority in our value system (aka education and a roof over your head).
If you are not familiar with our financial freedom journey, please see our video on how we paid off over $385,000 in student loans, how I’m retiring early and how we went debt-free before marriage.
Number 3 I did NOT have a wedding:
You know that I’m a big experience person and the gifting system in our family has transitioned into experiences over physical gifts. I view a wedding as a one-time party that lasts a few hours and typically is produced for quantity over quality. At many weddings, the bride and groom barely say a few words to each wedding guest and rarely enjoy their full meal together.
Instead, a quality experience is taking our loved ones on experiences together – one way we are doing that is traveling with my parents on their first trip to Hawaii. This is a quality experience that will last a week together instead of a high-stress, one-day party (aka wedding).
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Number 4 I did NOT have a wedding:
The time spent planning a wedding is extraordinary. Either you plan it yourself or hire help to plan a wedding. My husband is not a planner so the burden would fall mostly on me. I decided that the time spent planning a wedding did NOT outweigh the benefits of it.
Time is something we NEVER get back – I treat it as the most valuable resource in my life.
I decided spending time on a wedding did not return the same ROI as investing time into my business or quality time building a life together with my husband.
Number 5 I did NOT have a wedding:
When we focus so much of our time and energy on a wedding, it can be easy to forget what it means. A wedding is a one-time event (or party). A marriage is a lifetime of love and commitment.
I’ve seen and read about the letdown after a wedding. A study even showed that half of women felt depressed after their wedding.
My husband and I talk about this in our weekly Marriage Journey (that we started when we were dating). Being on the same page about marriage, finances, children, education, religion and politics were big topics – more important than a wedding.
I will also add that it’s interesting in the United States how big a Wedding Milestone is compared to other things that WOMEN could be celebrating – such as launching a small business or being financially independent confident women.
Reason 6 I did NOT have a Wedding:
The United States has made the wedding industry focused on consumerism. There is a mark-up on anything related to it. From engagements (yes, my husband paid extra when he said he was proposing at the end of the photoshoot) to weddings. From the food to jewelry to the photos to the videos to the florists to the rentals, everything gets a mark-up when it’s related to a wedding event.
When I went to buy my wedding band, I didn’t tell the jeweler it was going to my engagement / wedding ring. I bought it myself. It’s a simple diamond band. I used it as both my engagement ring and now my wedding ring. I didn’t need a big diamond (if I did, I could have used my grandmother’s – my mom offered it to me) but working in healthcare and adopting a simpler lifestyle, I prefer something simple that I can wear everyday if I want and won’t be afraid of getting it stolen, knocking a big rock against a table or losing it.
The #1 Reason I did NOT have a Wedding:
The #1 reason why I didn’t have a wedding: There is an opportunity cost to having a wedding. Most marriages end because of unmet expectations – from finances to children to education to religion/politics. We decided financial freedom was more important than a wedding. After paying off massive student loan debt, we decided we didn’t want to start our lives together with a pricey one-day event. We wanted quality experiences in our lives, a roof over our head, an eco-friendly life together and children who won’t experience the same type of debt as us.
What are your thoughts on cultivating a strong and lasting marriage together? Did you have a wedding that you LVOED?
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